This a general overview of Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, from 1936. Items in italics are ideas that I've consirdered, but were never any part of the original text. More developed notes can be found here: notesofintelligence.com/influence/

Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

• Don't criticize, condemn or complain:
• People don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong they may be.
• Criticism puts others on the defensive – they may feel their self-worth has been diminished – as they attempt to justify themselves and often rouses feelings of resentment.  Criticism is futile.
• Positive Reinforcement works better. Reprimanding works for not wearing their hardhats is less effective than asking if the hats are uncomfortable and reminding workers that the hats were designed for their protection.
• “I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.” –Ben Franklin

• Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• One of the deepest human desires is the desire to feel important and the along with it the craving to feel appreciated.
• “I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.” – Charles Schwab.
• This can be particularly effective in currying favor when other’s are expecting rebuke.  When one fellow’s wife asked him for six things she could do to improve herself, he delayed by saying he needed time to think about it.  The following day he sent her six roses and a note to the effect “I love you just the way you are.”  She was brought to tears (of joy).
• Be sincere – avoid flattery.  I have, however, have found that obvious, over the top flattery will often win smiles and curry the same favor as if it were sincere..

• Arouse in the other person an eager want.
• When fishing, you wouldn’t bait your hook with your favorite desert; one would bait the fish with what the fish prefer: worms. Bait the hook to suit the fish. Framing your requests in terms of what others want will be more effective than talking about what you want.
• Rather than force his young son to go to kindergarten, one man’s family began engaging in kindergarten activities while excluding the young child.  After seeing all the exciting things he would be doing in kindergarten, the child couldn’t wait to go. An eager want was aroused in the child.
• Before attempting to persuade someone to do something ask yourself, “How do I make this person want to do it?”
•  “If there is any one secret to success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own.” – Henry Ford
• Example: In the following letter a freight company sent their customers, they detail their difficulties without paying any mind the inconvenience changes might cause their customers and only fleetingly mention the advantages to the customer.  After having the reverse effect from what was intended, It was revised to keep the customers’ interests in mind.

  
  Gentlemen:
  
  The operations at our outbound-rail-receiving station are handicapped because a material percentage of the total business is delivered to us in the late afternoon. This condition results in congestion, overtime on the part of our forces, delays to trucks and in some cases delays to freight.  On November 10, we received from your company a lot of 510 pieces, which reached here at 4:20 P.M.
  
  We solicit your cooperation toward overcoming the undesirable effects arising form the late receipt of freight.  May we ask that, on days on which you ship the volume which was received on the above date, effort be made either to get the truck here earlier or to deliver us part of the freight during the morning.
  
  The advantage would be that of more expeditious discharge of your trucks and the assurance that your business would go forward on the date of its receipt.
  
  Very truly yours,
  
  Bla Bla
  

  Revision

  
  Dear Mr. V,
  
  Your company has been one of our good customers for fourteen years.  Naturally, we are very grateful for your patronage and are eager to give you the speedy, efficient service you deserve. However, we regret to say that it isn’t possible for us to do that when your trucks bring us a large shipment late in the afternoon, as they did on November 10. Why? Because many other customer make late afternoon deliveries also.  Naturally, that causes congestion.  That means your trucks are held up unavoidably at the pier and sometimes even your freight is delayed.
  
  That’s bad, but it can be avoided.  If you make your deliveries at the pier in the morning when possible, your trucks will be able to keep moving, your freight will get immediate attention, and our workers will get home early at night to enjoy a dinner of the delicious macaroni and noodles that you manufacture.
  
  Regardless of when your shipments arrive, we shall always cheerfully do all in our power to serve you promptly
  
  You are busy. Please don’t trouble to answer this note.
  
  Yours truly,
  
  -Bla Bla
  
  

Part Two: Six ways to make people like you

• Become genuinely interested in other people:
• People are most interested in themselves. If you share that interest, they will respond.
• Be kind to even those who might seem inconsequential – you never know when they will be in a position to influence those who have control over you.
• Remember people’s birthdays and other important details.  One young reporter remembered that a senior official’s son collected stamps.  The reporter was able to get the official’s ear by giving the man some stamps for his son.
• Greet others with enthusiasm and animation

• Smile:
• A smile says. “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”
• Smile even when speaking on the phone.  The smile will come through in your voice.
• Research has proven that simply smiling will make you happier.
• Use Names whenever possible:
• A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
• Remembering someone’s name and a few personal details will carry huge favor.

• Be a good listener:
• Encourage others to talk about themselves. Ask pointed questions.
• Nothing is as flattering as giving your exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you.
• By simply listening, others will conclude you are a good conversationalist.
• By simply listening and appreciating others’ concerns, you will diffuse tension and build relationships.
• Be eager to hear from those who have concerns about you and your company, however wrong they may be.
• Impress upon them how eager you are to hear them.
• Thank them for bringing up their concerns.

• Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
• Find the things that interest others, be they boats, gadgets or widgets, and talk about those things.
• If you can open a dialogue with others in terms of their interests, warming them up, so to speak, you’ll find them much more agreeable.
• If you know nothing of their interests, return to asking questions about them until you find a subject about which you can speak.

• Make the other person feel important - do it sincerely.
• Most people feel superior to others in some ways. Let them know that you recognize their importance and you will win their hearts.
• If you talk to people about themselves, they will listen for hours.
• Giving others clear authority over a small part a larger project will make them feel like important contributors and more invested in the success of the larger project.
• Continually recognizing someone’s expertise and capabilities will make them feel important. They will want to put that expertise in your service.

Part Three: Win people to your way of thinking

• Avoid arguments; you can only lose.
• Avoid arguments whenever possible. Even if you win - In the long-term – you hurt the pride of the loser and build resentment.
• “If you argue, rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory, because you will never get your opponent’s good will.” – Ben Franklin
• Most arguments conclude with each contestant more certain of his opinions, rather than willing to change them.
• Disagreements need not become arguments. A guide to avoid them:
• Welcome the disagreement. Be thankful a different point of view is brought to your attention.
• Keep calm.
• Listen first. Hear your opponents out.
• Look for areas of agreement.
• Admitting your errors will make it easier for others to admit theirs.
• If the disagreement isn’t yet resolved, postpone action and promise to think about the opposing situation.

• Respect others’ opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
• Don’t be too quick to assume you’re right. Roosevelt hoped to be right 75% of the time.
• Body language can also say “you’re wrong”
• Telling others they are wrong
• is often considered a direct blow to their intelligence or judgment.
• often pushes them to defend and further embrace their position
• When you believe others are wrong, take a pause and then try leading with, “I may be wrong, but I want to make sure I understand.” Demonstrating your willingness to rationally examine the facts will inspire others to do likewise.
• People don’t like to admit to themselves that they’re wrong, but when handled with grace, many can overcome that hesitancy.

• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• If another is about to criticize you, don’t let them start!
• People often enjoy criticizing others to promote their own righteousness. Once started, the other party may expand their rebukes to include un-related subject areas.
• The negative emotions summoned during critics may be long remembered, and could damage relationships in the long-term.
• A harsh self-rebuke may prompt the other party to soften the self-blow; however, many such harsh self-rebukes will make the other party skeptical of your sincerity.
• Admitting errors clears the air of guilt and allows to everyone to move toward solutions as quickly as possible.

• Begin in a friendly way.
• Open new personal contacts with sincere praise, appreciation and/or sympathy and you’ll disarm the other party.
• Beginning with the tone of friendship will allow the other party to broach any topic with a more open ear than if you initiated on a more confrontational foot.
• Example: One fellow who couldn’t afford his rent increase invited his landlord over for the closing inspection. After complimenting him on his building’s location and the good management, giving the landlord a sympathetic ear towards problems with other tenants, and mentioning that the tenant couldn’t afford the rent increase. Having appreciated the compliments and shared his frustrations, the landlord reduced the rent without even being asked.

• Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
• Begin by emphasizing those things you agree on.
• In today’s information dense environment, we actively seek reasons to reject proposals and information. Getting others to say yes immediately drive momentum in the direction of acceptance.
• As Socrates suggested, win once concession after another until, without realizing it, your opponent

• Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
• Especially if they are upset, allow others to talk themselves out. Don’t interrupt. They won’t pay attention to you until they’ve emptied the ideas floating around in their head.

• Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
• Make suggestions and let the other person work out the conclusions.
• Don’t bludgeon others into accepting your opinions.
• People are more committed to ideas that they believe are their own.  It may be in your best interests to never claim any credit for the idea.

• Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
• Understanding another’s point of view and motivation is the key to understanding their interests and the key to their personality.
• Example: A group of boy scouts may ignore a park’s no camp fires rule, knowing that they can responsibly construct and put out a camp fire safely. Rather than demanding the group adhere to the rules, acknowledge the scouts’ point of view and note that other groups are not as careful. The park must not allow bad examples to be set for the irresponsible.
• Ask yourself: Why should someone want to do what I ask?
• People may reject offers that you feel are obviously in their favor.  With further investigating, you may discover that the other party did not completely understand the offer or that their interests are not what you thought they were.

• Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.  (Goes well with admitting you’re wrong).
• Sympathize, tell the truth:  “If I were you, I’d feel the same way as you under those circumstances.” Follow up statements might be:
• “How could they do that to you?”
• “You poor thing.”
• “After you sacrificed so much.”
• Many hunger for sympathy.  Give it to them and they’ll love you.
• Example: An escalator service firm outraged a hotel: the hotel had to inconvenience their guests as the escalator repaired for 8 hours.  The firm booked the best mechanic and sympathized with the hotel’s desire to avoid inconveniencing their guests.  The firm reclassified their repair as preventative maintenance that would have prevented an eventual two week shut down of the escalator.

• Appeal to the nobler motives.
• People have two reasons for doing something, one that sounds good and the real reason.  Appeal to the one that sounds good.
• Example:  As a tenant gives notice that he is preparing to break his lease, his landlord praises the tenant’s good character. The landlord insists the tenant is a man of his word and would live up to the terms of the contract he signed.
• Example 2: A nobleman wanted to avoid getting a photo he didn’t like published. He asked the paper who owned the photo not to publish it, as his mother disliked the picture.

• Dramatize your ideas.
• It helps to make a visual, visceral demonstration of your ideas.
• When presenting a competitive assessment for jam, bring the competitors’ products to your meeting.
• When selling rat poison, dramatically placing a few nasty rats in the display window will no doubt attract attention

• Throw down a challenge.
• Stimulate competition among co-workers.
• Challenge someone’s capabilities/self-perceptions. 
• To a body builder: “Is he strong enough to get the job done?”
• To persuade a job applicant “This job will require strong character, it isn’t a position for everyone.”

Part Four: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

• Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
• It is easier to hear unpleasant things after we’ve hear some praise of our good points. Look for what another has done well before calling attention to their failings.

• Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
• Example: Rather than pointing out a sales clerk’s inattentiveness toward customers, a store manager might help out the customer directly in full view of the errant sales clerk.
• Present your concerns as distant from the person’s self-identity as possible.
• Example: instead of “Your idea isn’t very good,” “This idea may not work in the present environment.”  It isn’t the idea that is flawed, it’s the environment.
• If one must criticize, attempt to make concerns known by asking the other party to consider alternative points of view, i.e. “Is this process the most efficient way to get the job done?” and “I wonder how user-friendly this feature will be.”
• Follow up sincere praise with an “and” rather than a “but” before delivering criticism. Otherwise your praise may seem contrived and artificial.
• Example: rephrase: “We’re proud of your grades son, but if you had tried better in algebra they would be a lot better” to “We’re proud of your grades son, and if you keep it up you’re algebra grades will be even better next semester.”

• Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
• The burdens of criticism are easier to bear when one shares their own mistakes.
• The other person will be more motive to correct future errors

• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
• Example: “Would it make sense to organize these alphabetically?” instead of a direct order to organize alphabetically.
• You will often find others more motivated more eager to contribute in unexpected ways than if you had given direct orders.

• Let the other person save face.
• Example: Instead of demoting someone change their title – a lateral move.
• By not giving the others an out, they will do their best to evade admitting their failings.  Damaging an ego will make others resentful.
• Finally, if you can criticize in private you will not arouse the same feelings of personal jeopardy that put others on the defensive.  No pride will be lost.s

• Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
• Praise will reinforce the development of desired behavior and bad habits “will atrophy due to lack of attention.”
• Try to be as specific as possible – it should come from the heart and will be sincere.
• “Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.”

• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
• Example: “Charlie, you have been such a capable mechanic in the past, but your recent work hasn’t been up to your old standards.”
• Showing others that you respect their capabilities in some capacity is empowers others and earn you the respect required to lead.

• Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
• Direct, harsh criticism can destroy all incentive to improve.
• By making faults seems easy to correct or new tasks seem easy to learn, you’ll encourage preserver and succeed.

• Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
• Do this by using the any techniques discussed earlier. Examples:
• Make one feel too important to do something you’d prefer they didn’t do.
• Ask someone if they will accept an important role, even when you know they would jump at the chance.
• Give others titles and authority toward completing one of your aims, fueling their perceptions of self-worth as they complete the task you’ve laid out for them.

• Effective leaders should adhere to the following:
1. Be Sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. 
2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
3. Be Empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
4. Consider the benefits the other person will receive from doing what you suggest. Forget about the benefits to yourself.
5. Match those benefits to the other persons wants.
6. Make requests in a way that will convey the idea of the personal benefit the other person will receive. Example: “John, clean the stock room now.” Vs “John, if we clean the stock room now we won’t have to deal with it later and you would be doing your part to deliver a good store image to the higher ups.”
• While you will not always be able to get positive reactions from everyone, the improvements make you a more effective leader.